Pikachu, I think its time we ended this once and for all. I feel as though this blog is now part of your past, and that now we should leave it behind, just like the rest of it. How do you feel about this?
Shall we say our last words?
We shall. I just feel destroyed, fucked up in every single possible way. I don’t even know what I am anymore and I realize I’m constantly tiptoeing on the verge of a disaster, trying to be stronger than I am. I know you kinda feel the same, and I would like to apologize, so much.
But as you pointed out, this is a part ouf our past, and therefore I don’t think this blog should be deleted. We will not update. We probably will not go check out our dashboard anymore. But it would be hypocritical and sad to delete it.
So I guess this is our farewell. Godspeed, fitblrs, do not make our mistakes and take it easy.
Flintstone I love you. You’ve been amazing the whole way through, and so much stronger than me. You were here when no one was, and I know how much courage you’ve put in all this. I admire you to no end, and I’m so, so sorry I dragged you to the bottom. I’ll never forgive myself for that.
Thank you. I love you. Please try to take care.
I apologize for the shitty black face hiding here, but this is for you all guys who are slimming down, and for the girl who co-runs this blog with me. I don’t want attention, pity, or anything, but I need to make this post, and please, please bear with me and read because I made it for you.
We’ve all heard of anorexia, a million times. I have, too, and like many, I thought “Well that’s not the kind of stuff that happens to me !”. I thought my body type was bulky and that was it.
Then I became bulimic, during my early childhood, which is kind of a long story. And then, for a whole bunch of reasons, I went anorexic. I dropped 44 lbs (20 kg) over a summer. I weighted 80 lbs (37 kg), with a BMI of 14. People kept warning me, but I said I was okay. I said I was simply stabilizing my weight, when really I was delighted to loose it. I said I was in control. I felt in control, too.
I was completely euphoric. I was finally able to look the way I wanted. I didn’t have to stand a certain way in pictures to look slim. Everyone cared about me all of a sudden. People I didn’t suspect to told me how much they loved me, and what a unique and fantastic person I was.
But I also felt like shit, all the time. My once gorgeous hair had completely fallen. My skin was shit. I had to buy 10 year-old clothes. I had to throw away my favourite jeans. I couldn’t play the sports I liked to. I was bloated and constipates all the fucking time. my waistline was thicker than my butt because my stomach was so fucked and my butt so bony. I couldn’t sit without my bones aching. My fingers were always blue and cold. I was tired. Very tired.
I eventually ended up in hospital, with a dying heart. I felt like a prisoner there, and honestly I don’t want to talk about these days. They were horrible, that’s what you need to know.
I’ve gained back some weight since, but I want to tell you something : anorexia has fucked my life up, the life of everyone around me and still does. You know it’s not worth it, but please believe it now. I just came across these pictures of me and all I can say it’s they’re scary. Really scary, and that’s why I’m making this post. Don’t be stupid, it’s not worth it.
You’ve heard it before, but take your time, be nice to yourself. It’s all right, I promise.